On Keeping Promises to Myself

About eight months ago, I quit my job and took a six-month “sabbatical,” as I called it. In many ways, I was very broken at the beginning of this sabbatical. I had gotten sick while traveling and I never fully cured during my time on the road. Once I returned from traveling, my health continued to decline and it took me several months to hit a breaking point and realize how truly sick I was. That was April 2017 and I spent two years trying to balance work and healing before throwing in the towel and leaving my job. 

So I quit in April 2019 to take the time I needed to heal my body. What I wasn’t anticipating was that repairing my body would require I repair parts of my mind and soul as well. During my sabbatical, I healed in ways that I was not expecting nor knew that I needed. About 6 weeks ago, I returned to the working world and I have grown and developed even more in doing so. I feel alive and healthy again; maybe even more so than at any other point in my life.

There is so much to unpack from the past few years, so many stories/lessons/reflections. I know this will naturally unfold in future posts, but for today, I want to reflect and celebrate the act of keeping promises to myself.

Today marks me keeping a promise to myself for 30 days straight!

For 30 days, I promised myself that I would complete my morning routine (moving my body for at least 10 minutes, meditating, and journaling), and for 30 days, I kept that promise. 

In my 32 years of life, I have not once been able to keep a daily promise to myself for this amount of time. Heck, I have only been able to stick with it for two weeks maximum, and that has been a handful of times. This pattern is not as simple as or being lazy or unmotivated, but as complex and impactful as a pattern of betraying and undervaluing myself. It lead to me not trusting myself and my own word. When I was unable to trust myself, that flowed into so many parts of my life but I was unconscious to the impact. It caused me to rely on others to help me handle my emotions, such as needing to reach out and speak to others when I was frustrated or angry or excited about a situation – any time an emotion felt too big and that I couldn’t contain it within my body and needed to get rid of it, I HAD to communicate it to someone before I could move on with my day. Or when I felt something intuitively, I felt that I couldn’t make a decision until I had asked for others’ opinions/talked through all the pros and cons/researched it thoroughly. I would delay the decision by hours/days/weeks and have it running through my head that whole time because I didn’t trust my decision or felt fearful of the consequences of my choice. 

Learning to trust myself = knowing that, no matter what, I can take care of myself in all of these situations. Big emotions? I can sit with them and feel them because they are valid. I trust that, once I feel them and allow myself to experience them, then I will be able to make the right decision in handling the situation. Feeling something intuitively? I trust my gut more and more. I trust that I don’t make rash decisions, but ones that are moving me towards being a happier and healthier human. I trust that, whatever the consequences or another’s reaction to my decision, I will continue to take care of myself and handle the aftermath with growth and healing.

It’s not a perfect world and I do not feel level-headed trust and clarity at all times. There are limitless ways to evolve in this area so it is something that I expand in constantly. But as I have learned to trust myself, more and more challenging situations have arisen, and I have met them all. I have faced them, cried so many tears, written and prayed for clarity, open wounds and spent time mending them, meditated to quiet my mind, danced and yoga-ed to get into my body, and paused to take hundreds of deep breathes to steady myself. This trust is a muscle and I consistently witness its growing strength.  

Now all of this ties back into today’s post on a blog that I have not touched in over three years. When I first figured out how sick my body was post-travel adventures, I had promised myself that I would return to this blog and would continue writing. At that point, I did not feel like myself and had lost all interest in the activities that brought me joy and made me feel like “me” – traveling, dancing, connecting with others, and above all else, writing. Three years ago, I knew that when I felt inspired to write again, that would be an outward expression of my internal world, of me returning to myself, of me coming back alive. And so I made that promise and have been diligently and patiently waiting for this post to flow to me, for today. 

Which also makes today’s post a personal celebration – to the adventures and lessons I have lived, the trials and obstacles I have survived, and the unknown and limitless future that is to come! A celebration of the promises I have kept for the past 30 days and to the past three years. A celebration because maybe I have been keeping promises this whole time and not giving myself proper recognition. A celebration of finally seeing myself and my capabilities and learning to trust in both of those – because that feels really big in my life right now. A celebration because that is one of the best ways to take care of myself and it feels damn good!

I am not sure what I am going to be sharing here going forward –probably some of my health journey, probably some vulnerable stuff, definitely travel posts as they come up, and a little bit of all my other interests. All I know is that when I feel inspired, here is where you where you will find me J Welcome to my little nook of the internet – it feels good to be back.

Until next post,

LE

P.S. Shoutout to The Holistic Psychologist and the life-changing work that she is doing via social media! This post would not have been possible without the insights and tools that she has introduced into my life – including daily self-promises and Future Self Journaling, both of which I do each morning. I recommend following her on Instagram and signing up for her email list!

The End of the Road

I arrived back in San Francisco on July 11th. It took me exactly three months to be able to look through my travel pictures without feeling a gut-wrenching stab of longing. Those pictures meant that my trip of a lifetime was truly over, and I was not ready for that.

No one will ever know how much work went into keeping up appearances during my first months back. I kept it to myself, not even writing about it. I did not want to dwell on how much I missed the road. No thinking about how I longed for it and felt lost; how I struggled to be happy for those that were still traveling. Not focusing on the panic that woke me up at night or how, after being home for two months, I was bored of waking up in the same bed each day. I refused to admit that I wanted to drop everything and do it all over again.

Instead, I kept quiet. My loved ones tiptoed around me and did not bring up future travel plans, hoping I would decide to remain at home. In all honesty, I was hoping the same thing. It is the easier choice, the wiser choice, the most financially secure, the one that would make the most people happy. So I gave it a shot. I was quiet and took deep breaths and trusted that this was a process and I listened for the answer. Three months into my return to the “real world,” it came to me.

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Tess said that a kick in the ass is what causes people to quit their lives and travel. This was true for me. My trip was originally supposed to occur a year later than it did. But 10 months prior to my eventual departure, I had a fantastically horrible day at work, received some life-altering personal news, and realized I had enough in my savings to travel – an ass-kicking trifecta! I immediately bought my ticket to Mexico as a big “F*** you!” to my current situation and went from there.

But that was just the catalyst. The true REASON I went traveling was simple – I wanted to learn to live better. I did not shed my entire life to run away from reality. I did it to figure out how to create an existence that no longer kicked me. I went to learn how to fully, wonderfully, beautifully thrive.

I miss life on the road. For 18 months, that was my reality and identity. It was the greatest year and a half of my life, thus far. But my next adventure is making home life just as wondrous and awe-inspiring. That is what I have been doing since returning and I am feeling whole again – happy, fulfilled, inspired, motived. I am exactly where I am supposed to be and slowly creating the best version of my life yet.

 So what happens once you complete a “trip of a lifetime”? There are plenty of plans and dreams bumping around in my head so stay tuned. I can guarantee that it is some pretty good stuff.

Until next time, friends…

Backpacking in Vietnam

Vietnam left me a jaded traveler. I spent 6 weeks in Vietnam, and on almost a daily basis, I knew I was being scammed, taken advantage of, or not getting my money’s worth, and there was very little I could do about it. When a common way of starting a conversation with fellow travelers is to swap “how I got scammed in Vietnam” stories, there is definitely a trend.

In truth, these 6 weeks were the lowest of my travels so far. Constant illness plagued my friend, Leo, and I, and colored my vision of this country. On top of being sick and tired of constantly defending ourselves against scams, we were literally sick and tired. It made the sting of the scam hurt even more. If I only think about Vietnam, it is a gray blur and my memories are vague and foggy. But when I go through my (+1,200) pictures of my time there, my face is constantly alight with a smile or a laugh. My memories become defined, bold, and full of life. I had the best and the worst time in Vietnam, and that is the honest truth.

Would I go back? YES! 100%. There are places I want to return to and new places I want to explore. The food, the coffee, and the locals are some of the best from my travels so far.

Would I ever travel as a backpacker there again? NO! 100% never again. As a backpacker, the transportation, accommodation, tours, and restaurants that I visit are all run by locals. That means a trend of being scammed highly affects me. I am not a stingy traveler. I am fine paying a little extra. But paying twice as much is not cool. Paying for and being guaranteed a seat on the bus but then having to sit on the floor for hours because the bus was overbooked (by about 10 people) is frustrating. Being lied to constantly about the price or quality and then finding out I did not get what I had paid for is crossing a line. It happened so often that I ended up mistrusting any local that was involved in a money transaction with me. Unless there was a printed price, I was most likely paying more than I should have been paying. It was exhausting and disappointing.   

A brief side note: Fellow travelers have told me it is racism, but 1) I am very hesitant to use that label in general, 2) I had way too many interactions with locals who were extremely kind and generous to me, and 3) I saw locals paying too much as well. From my experience, I believe that it is an accepted business practice in Vietnam. If an opportunity to get more money is available (for example, a person does not know the correct price, the price is not formally printed, or a person has no choice but to use a certain service), this opportunity is taken advantage of; firmly and without repentance.

Therefore, In Vietnam, you HAVE to travel smart. You have to do your research and know exactly which taxi company/travel agency/tourist attractions/experiences to partake in. Fellow backpackers are your best resource – they will tell you what is not worth your money or effort as they are on similar budgets and are being treated similarly. You have to pick your battles and know when arguing will get you a fairer price or get you purposely left kilometers from your intended bus stop. You have to accept that sometimes you can do everything within your power and you will still buy pants that rip after two wears, take a tour where you spend way more time on the bus than actually touring, and get in a taxi whose meter miraculously jumps up 50,000 dong all on its own. You have to take a breath and accept these moments (because they will happen).

And then let the breath out and remember the AirBNB hosts that welcomed you to join in their family’s Chinese New Year feast. Also the guides on the free bicycle tour who were enthusiastic and friendly and wanted to practice their English. Or the girl behind the hostel desk who personally took Leo on her moped to the local doctor, translated for him, and helped him get medicine when he was painfully ill in bed. That stranger who saw me looking at a map and stopped to ask how she could help me find my way. Those are the memories that are clearest in my mind, with or without the pictures.

Though Vietnam has been the most trying country that I have traveled thus far, it also made me a smarter and more seasoned traveler. Hence, this is where I leave my negative comments. Vietnam may have made me temporarily jaded, but there is so much beauty and culture and adventure to experience in this country. It is possible to enjoy it all, but you have to travel with awareness. That is what I focus on and want to share with you. So stay tuned – the good stuff is yet to come!

I'm Back!: A Lesson About Life on the Road

Well, I have been neglecting/avoiding/ignoring this blog for the past few months. I kind of disappeared from all forms of communication with my life outside of travel – Instagram, Facebook, e-mails, phone calls. They were not completely gone, but what once was a constant flow of communication dwindled to a few obligatory drips. Here’s why: the past 4 months of travel have been challenging. A combination of factors led to a day-to-day blasé. I was not interested in doing much more than hanging out in my hostel. Getting out and doing anything required significant effort. 

After Cambodia, I slipped slowly into this slump which hit its lowest point six weeks later during my last days in Vietnam. That was when I spent two days frustrated, fed up, and seriously considering returning home. For the first time in my combined 10 months on the road, I wanted to leave and that worried me. In my core, I knew I wanted to continue traveling. I did not recognize this apathetic version of myself and it was time to fix that.

So I got to work. I left Vietnam and returned to Thailand at the right time. I spent two weeks with Tess in Thailand filled with long talks, kindness, honesty, and hugs when necessary. I stayed a month in India with family and was showered with love, generosity, and familiarity. I remembered that I was not unknown or insignificant in this world, which is a feeling that creeps in when I am constantly in new places where no one knows me. I reunited with travel friends in the UK and started recovering from months of stomach issues. I went to Spain, drank espressos, listened to locals speak in Spanish, wandered the streets for hours, and talked with everyone. I started writing again. Not for this blog or to anyone, but in my journal and to myself. I gave myself daily goals to get me out of the hostel. I started regaining my energy and strength. I savored days alone in my own company as well as days filled with new friends and our adventures together. And now…

Now, I am traveling the way I dreamed I always would. New cities excite me. Walking and exploring are a necessity rather than a goal. I talk with locals and travelers. Because I feel that I lost two months due to my slump, I have a fervor to fully experience my last weeks on the road. I am in Europe and the unfamiliar entices and thrills me.

And here is the lesson that I learned in all of this: life on the road is just that – it’s life. There are difficult spots; obstacles that I have never dealt with before. I am not on vacation. This is a lifestyle and each day consists of joy, challenges, pain, and happiness. As in any other difficult time in my life, I had to pause and heal and take care of me until I could recognize myself once again.

With that said, I am back (and it feels SO good!). Lots to catch up on – stories, pictures, tips, experiences galore! A new feature on my blog is the CONNECT page – you can subscribe to my blog, catch up on recent posts, and find my Instagram and Facebook pages there. This will help notify you when I release new content. Talk to you all real soon!

Beyond Words: Angkor Wat

I love the writing process and creating the perfect flow to my stories. But sometimes words get in the way; they hinder rather than help. The otherworldly vibrancy of an unrestrained forest, the genuine sweetness of a friend’s smile, or the sheer magnificence of an ancient temple cannot be captured in letters. These moments are Beyond Words. I attempt to share such experiences in photos and videos. Enjoy!

When planning my trip, I knew each leg would have a bucket list site to visit – Machu Picchu and Angkor Wat. Both experiences have been surreal and incredible, but Angkor Wat won in this battle. I spent two days touring the Angkor Wat site and was in awe for most of the time. It was unlike anything I have yet seen.

Angkor Wat is actually a vast site that is made up of hundreds of ancient temples, with Angkor Wat being the largest. The three main temples I visited were Angkor Wat, Ta Prohm (the Tomb Raider temple), and Bayon (the temple of faces). All three were very different and beautiful. My bike tour allowed me to navigate the countryside and jungle throughout the site. My tuktuk tour allowed my friends and I to see more temples and escape the heat a little bit. Both were great ways to experience the grandeur that is Angkor Wat.

Beyond Words: Cambodia

I love the writing process and creating the perfect flow to my stories. But sometimes words get in the way; they hinder rather than help. The otherworldly vibrancy of an unrestrained forest, the genuine sweetness of a friend’s smile, or the sheer magnificence of an ancient temple cannot be captured in letters. These moments are Beyond Words. I attempt to share such experiences in photos and videos. Enjoy!

My time in Cambodia was both beautiful and heart-breaking. The photos below show the beautiful, happy, idyllic times of my three weeks there, but I did learn about the dark side of the country. Maybe I will eventually feel comfortable taking pictures of the hard stuff. Maybe with some time and practice.

But for now, I mainly captured the good stuff – and Cambodia provided so much good stuff. Incredible sites and nature, scooter and paddle boarding adventures, perfect beaches, and great people. Angkor Wat was unreal and has a Beyond Words dedicated solely to the two days I spent there. My advice: go to Cambodia! You will not regret it.

12 Months In and 1-Year Blogiversary!

One year ago I started this blog. 365 days since that first afternoon in Mexico. I was uncomfortable and awkward, 3,000 miles from home and everything I knew, trying to fill each hour with something. ANYTHING. So I wrote my first blog post and released a bit of my fears and dreams into the universe. My goal for the day was to get over my intimidation and venture out of my hostel for dinner. One simple step.

And a new step the next day. And another one the day after that. Each day went a little better. The loneliness lessened, the goals became bigger, and the road slowly became my home.

I remember leaving California, thinking, “I don’t know how this trip will change me. But I know that it will and I know that it is what I need.” 365 days later and this has been the best year of my life thus far.

I have done things this year that I planned from the very beginning and knew would challenge me – traveling alone, learning Spanish in Guatemala, and trekking the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu. I have done things this year that were never on my radar during my planning stage – sailing from Panama to Colombia, learning to scuba dive, and completing a 10-day meditation retreat in Chiang Mai. There have been so many adventures and each one has shaped my life in a different way.

This blog has been one of the most significant adventures in itself. Here, I put it out there. I document my journey through words, pictures, and videos. I connect with family and friends and fellow humans who I do not even know. This is my little corner in which I play and dream and create and pursue my love for writing. It has been a joy, a blessing, a welcome responsibility, and a pain in my neck. My sounding board and my art.

To those reading this, thank you for following me and being a part of it all. I have appreciated your support and encouragement. Sharing my travels has been thrilling and fun. It has pushed me to grow as a writer, photographer, traveler, and individual. You consistently remind me that I am never alone, no matter where I am.

Here is to another year of life and blogging! May it be filled with just as many trials, victories, smiles, tears, and blog posts.

Much love and light,

Laura-Elizabet

Exploring Cambodia - Siem Reap, Phnom Penh, Kampot, Otres, Koh Rong

Cambodia was a wonderful experience. I spent three weeks in this country and slowly fell in love with it more and more. Bonus: I got to meet up with my friends, Tess and Leo, both of whom I had met in Pai, Thailand!

After spending about 2.5 months in Southeast Asia, I am finding some cultural practices that span the region – the idea of saving face, having to ask for the bill in restaurants, getting up early in the morning – but Cambodia’s culture and history is its own. I admit that Cambodia was a more difficult country to travel. The internet was unreliable, the food was mediocre, air conditioning was not standard, and some roads had me praying during my entire bus journey. Especially coming from Thailand, Cambodia is more inconvenient. But Cambodians are some of the kindest, most helpful, easiest smiling people that I have met during my travels. To fully appreciate this country, it is key to learn and understand the recent history and current political situation. Trust me, you will forget about the inconvenience and marvel at the resilience, strength, and beauty of Cambodia and its people.

Here are the places I visited during my stay:

Siem Reap – I started my time in Cambodia in Siem Reap. The only reason to go here is to see Angkor Wat, which you can easily spend two or three days exploring. This is a great place to go with friends because it is fun exploring Angkor Wat and experiencing the nighttime atmosphere with others. Angkor Wat is completely worth it! I spent two days there – one day on a bike tour and the other via tuktuk with a couple of friends. I highly recommend both options. I was awestruck by the temples and needed two days just to pick my jaw off the ground and be able to appreciate them properly. I did not do sun rise or sunset because it was overcast during my time there, but I was okay with that.

Phnom Penh (PP) – The capital city of Cambodia and one that I actually enjoyed. The city is crazy and loud, but I liked the feel of it. I stayed here at two points in my trip and managed to have a cold and ear infection during my stays. I appreciated having pharmacies, modern conveniences, and Western restaurants at my disposal. Also, getting my Vietnam visa in PP was cheap and simple. On a serious note, PP played an integral part in my understanding of Cambodia as I visited both Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum and the Killing Fields while here. It was difficult to handle but vital to my trip. I recommend touring the Museum first because prisoners were held at Tuol Sleng before being taken to the Killing Fields. This will give you a more comprehensive understanding of the atrocities that took place.

Kampot – This is the one place in my travels that I wish I had spent more time. Kampot is a relaxed, riverside town near the coast of Cambodia. The town is not flashy or bustling, but the atmosphere and the people were a necessary balm after the busyness of Siem Reap and PP. We rented scooters to travel around the town. We spent an afternoon riding to the top of a mountain and exploring abandoned casinos (it is an actual tourist attraction, I promise). Another afternoon was spent paddle boarding and swimming on the river. We had tapas one evening, beers and dumplings at a private movie theater another evening, and drinks at our favorite local bar on our last night. If visiting Kampot, do not underestimate it and give yourself four or five days to enjoy it.

Otres – Go towards Sihanoukville, drive through it, and experience the picturesque beaches of Otres. Turquoise water, squeaky sand beaches, and plenty of lounge chairs to sprawl on all afternoon. There are not many activities or hostels here. We found a cheap beach bungalow on Booking.com, which is a great option. Come here solo if you want alone time or visit with friends if you still want a social vibe. Also, beware when riding scooters into town. We got stopped by the police (because it is illegal to ride a scooter in Southeast Asia without a driver’s license from that respective country). Plenty of tourists ride scooters and none of them have the appropriate license. We paid 20 USD and were fine, but this is a common occurrence in Sihanoukville.

Koh Rong – If you want a true island experience, stay at Inn the Village on Koh Rong. It is the lone guesthouse situated in a non-touristy Cambodian village on the island. The guesthouse is VERY basic – bucket showers, electricity from 5-11 at night, no internet, mosquito nets, no air con or fans. But you can really get away from it all. You can go scuba diving, snorkeling, or kayaking, walk around the island, lay in a hammock on the beach, eat fresh crab for dinner, play volleyball with the locals, drinks beers at the hostel with other guests, or sit back and enjoy the non-tourist vibe. Just make sure you carefully follow the instructions on getting to the hostel (aka taking a local community boat from Pier 52). Leo and I were meeting Tess at the hostel as we were coming from two different cities. She took a different boat, ended up on the other end of the island, and, due to a windstorm, took two days to get to us. So, yeah, make sure you go to the correct pier and take the correct boat.

So that was Cambodia. It was an incredible country and I recommend it to anyone wanting a less tourist experience. After Cambodia, my friend, Leo, and I are now spending six weeks traveling Vietnam from south to north. Let the good times keep rolling!

Meditation Course in Chiang Mai, Thailand

I did a ten-day meditation course. It was the second most challenging experience of my life (behind passing the CPA exam) and I know I will do it again in the future (I will never willingly take the CPA exam again). So it could not have been that bad, right?

I am not going to lament about my challenges and frustrations, but here is a link to the rules and daily schedule that I had to adhere to during my stay. Yes, it was a lot. But I purposely selected a strict course because that was what I needed to not slack off in my practice. In the end, I am glad that I selected it because I would have left early if the course had been more casual.

I am also not going to go over the insights and lessons I learned. Each person’s experience is different and personal so going over mine might create a false expectation for others. Let’s just say that this course altered the rest of my trip. I gained clarity on a lot of aspects of my life and left my course being more centered and balanced.  

That being said, there are some things I would keep in mind if contemplating a similar course.

1.       DO YOUR RESEARCH.

I learned about Vipassana from my friend, Lisanne. She suggested it after we had a few discussions about meditation and my desire to strengthen my practice. Her encouragement lead me to do hours of research – reading blogs, looking up meditation centers, understanding the process. Though this did not make my course substantially easier, at least I had an idea of what to expect. I knew this course would not be relaxing or simple. I knew it would be painful and mentally exhausting and frustrating. In the days leading up, I was nervous about my ability to stick with it and spent some time getting my head in the right mindset. Research helped me set my resolve to see the course through.

2.       Consider doing a couple of preparation steps.

Take a beginner meditation course. Watch YouTube videos on proper sitting posture. Schedule a dhama talk with a monk prior to beginning your course. The thing I was not expecting was the lack of instruction we would be getting. We were told to sit and that was about it. Much of the guidance I was given was linked to Buddhism. Not knowing the tenants of Buddhism or understanding the purpose of meditation, it was confusing until we had a two-hour dhama talk with one of the nuns on the eighth day. My meditation sessions were MUCH more productive after that.

3.       Commit to ten days, minimum.

This course is difficult and challenging. I spent the first four days in pain, clearing my brain of thoughts, working through exhaustion, and battling extreme loneliness. In talking with others after my course, many have said they are interested in doing a 3- or 5-day course. But those first few days tend to be the most unproductive and frustrating. Ten days is necessary because this is a process and it cannot be rushed. If you end your meditation course during the most difficult part, you may never try again.

4.       Accept that it is a process and stick with it.

One of the most significant tenants of Buddhism is impermanence. Remember that nothing is consistent. Therefore, one day your practice will be sublime and the next day it will be shit. But both days will teach you something if you accept the situation and pay attention to the lesson. Meditation is not just sitting there and it is not a natural ability. It is a practice that needs work and commitment. The course creates an extremely protected environment in which you get to do nothing but focus on your practice. This is a gift to yourself, not a punishment. In the hard times, remember that and keep going. It will all be worth it.

Beyond Words: Northern Thailand

I love the writing process and creating the perfect flow to my stories. But sometimes words get in the way; they hinder rather than help. The otherworldly vibrancy of an unrestrained forest, the genuine sweetness of a friend’s smile, or the sheer magnificence of an ancient temple cannot be captured in letters. These moments are Beyond Words. I attempt to share such experiences in photos and videos. Enjoy!

Chiang Mai was cultural and tasty and busy. Pai was beautiful and relaxed and natural. I loved both places. So much so that, after spending both Christmas and New Year’s in Pai, I will be returning to celebrate my birthday there (with Tess, of course!). Beautiful memories were had, with many more to come!